Wednesday, April 3, 2013

HERE'S TO YOU DAD




I dreamt of Sophia and her dad last night, and I have no recollection of anything at all, except that two of the most important people in my life were there. I found myself lost in thought all day, and words had been swarming inside my mind like bees from out of nowhere. Ultimately, I realized the need to write them down. I deliberated whether to write an essay or to just compose a short poem out of those words. In the end, I decided to write a poem.

Well, Thor, this one's for you. I think it came out good. What do you think?






HERE'S TO YOU, DAD



Here's to the man I rarely talk about.
To the man whose mind speaks louder than his mouth.
To the man who's carrying the world on his back,
yet standing stronger than a fortress made of rock.
To the man who took it to himself to make sure she gets a bright future,
with a painful smile he kissed her forehead before his departure.
To the man who endures the feeling of loneliness
and the long, cruel, painstaking days of missing his princess.
To the man who sleeps at night wondering what she does all day,
how her therapies go, does she eat okay.
To the man who dreams to be with her through every stage
and to fight with her through this autism rage.
To the man who never complains how hard life is in his shoes,
as he wakes up everyday realizing his purpose.
To the man who looks at her pictures and wishes he's right beside her
as days pass by and he can't even hold her.
To the man wondering if she recognizes him still,
keeping his fears from affecting his zeal. 
It's not easy where you are. It's not easy what you do.
I may not talk about you, but you're the bravest and strongest man I knew.
I may be her voice, but her superhero is you.
It's worth all the sacrifice, you'll see. Daddy, here's to you.


Photo Cred: nationalautism.org



Tuesday, April 2, 2013

YOU CANNOT SHUT ME UP





I was away during the Holy Week. I had no internet where I was and therefore, couldn't post nor check any feedback from my blog readers. I missed writing while I was there. I so wanted to share a lot of Sophia's experiences back in Ilocos.

As soon as we got home, I put Sophia to bed and hooked up my laptop to the net. This mommy has a lot to say and she's gotta write, and fast. But before I could start typing away my thoughts, lo and behold, I found a feedback from one anonymous reader. The "anonymous" reader opted to be anonymous, and that's not a surprise. If you would leave a message like that, you would really opt to be anonymous.

To make the long message short, this anonymous person's pointing out that I apparently deserve what's happening to my daughter and that it's just right that my daughter and I are suffering. He/She said that my daughter is a disgrace and told me to shut up and stop whining about it because it just makes us look more pitiful. He/she told me to stop bringing more shame upon my daughter's name and to not use her condition to bring attention to myself.

I admit this is downright hurtful. How could someone sane say this? How could someone ethical think this way? But I don't know that person and I just don't care enough to judge. How people think can be defined by the words that come out of their mouth (or in this case, write). And I just laughed while saying to myself, "Don't fear what they say behind your back. The words they say against you do not define you. They define them. Cheer up." And so I'm cheering up. Yey, someone cared badly enough to waste their time reading my posts and leaving bad messages.

What do I say? Well, your message is so inspiring that I dedicate this post to you, not because you affect me, but because I know people like you need to be acknowledged since you are part of the society I am trying to educate:

I don't want to dwell on the hurtful accusations. I just don't have time for that. No point stressing myself about something someone not important enough to have a name say about me or my daughter or my way of using my daughter's condition to make a change in this messed up society. If you are brave enough and responsible enough to take ownership of your words, you should have left your name. I ignore people without a name, you're just someone who spend your days wanting to bring other people down and planning how to make everything harder for others other than being busy making your life fruitful. If ruining someone else's life is how you make yourself feel better and accomplished, you can keep at it.

I know what I say and I mean my words. I don't abuse my daughter's condition for my own interest. I am trying to educate for a cause. I am writing to promote a better understanding of AUTISM, a condition that at one point or another might affect you or someone you love, too. You don't have a right to judge me nor my actions. You do not have the right to say bad things about my daughter. I am fighting battles you are not aware of. My daughter is surviving battles you cannot even imagine facing.

Come to think of it, I honestly think my daughter is using her brain more than you use yours. Uh oh. That's me saying the obvious.

Spreading AUTISM AWARENESS and not shutting up about my child's condition to educate and promote change in the society is my AUTISM ACTION. So many people out there need to be educated so that they can act accordingly, we can't just expect everything to happen while we keep our words to ourselves and cry behind closed doors. If we want action, we need to speak up. I'm speaking up and it's my way of taking action. As long as there are kids out there getting singled out and disrespected because of their AUTISM, as long as there are adults out there being laughed at because they are somewhere on the SPECTRUM, you cannot shut me up.

You can keep yourself preoccupied with your great plan of bringing me down, but this will be the first and last time I will notice you. I have far too many words to say to people who want to be enlightened than to those haters who want to test my patience with their ignorance.